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December 15 -31, 2005

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Previous passing thoughts of a Pageminder

Out with the old!!!
12.31.05 - 8:40 pm (CT)
In 2005, it has been out with old, as the old me has been working on the new me… the real me! It's a tough job, as the real me has been hiding behind the old me for so long that it may very well be an ongoing project, but so far, so good… I think I've been managing quite well, thank you. That is, with a lot of help from my family and friends, so a great big thank you to "my people" for helping me to take my life back, face my fears and go home, which is right where I belong, because there really "is no place like home" (The Wizard of Oz, MGM, 1939).
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Onward to my future
12.29.05 - 7:53 pm (CT)
Well, it's official, there's no turning back now… I am headed down "The Road Not Taken". I think I know where I'm going, but then I thought I knew right where I was going 30 years ago when I married my high school sweetheart, and now, well, life is full of surprises… What was a lifetime commitment for me turned out not to be anything of the sort for him, as he thought by just showing up when absolutely necessary it would be enough, that I would let everything else he was doing slide.

"When one door closes, another one opens… and as that happens, I just follow the light that leads me onward to my future."
— Jeane Wade, 12.29.05
However, like I said, "life is full of surprises" and boy was he surprised when, after 28 years of marriage, I filed for divorce on September 26, 2003. And he was even more surprised on December 23, 2003 when I gave him a Christmas present — a gift of hope… for a reconciliation — which he accepted as the gift from God that it was and then proceeded to treat it like one of those gifts you only pull out when the person who gave it to you is coming over… he basically blew it off, just pulling it out when it looked like he was going to lose me again. Gee, if he wanted a stupid woman for a wife, he should have married one, but he didn't.

Anyway, the last straw came on November 4, 2004 when, much to his surprise (there's one of life's surprises again), I walked out and moved in with my brother, which is where my mother also lived. And, as there are no coincidences in life, it happened at a time when my mother needed daycare, so I was right where I was supposed to be. I stayed there, taking care of my mother through her last days here on earth, and then a month later I decided it was time to take my life back by going home.

Since then, life has not been fun, not fun at all — so much so that for over six months I didn't do one (even stinking) MindBlog. If you're interested and have the time, go back through the MindBlog Archives and read between the lines for the allegory of my life over the last few years or even just those few months before MindBlog just sat here… losing page rank and site visitors, while I was just trying to get by till it was finally over and he was gone.

He's gone now, so the door on that part of my life has closed and, being a glass-half-full person, I'm looking for the next one to open…

"When one door closes, another one opens… and as that happens, I just follow the light that leads me onward to my future."
— Jeane Wade, 12.29.05
I have no idea what my future holds, but I'm looking forward, onward if you will, to enjoying the ride of the rest of my life.
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No true love waitin' at the end of this ride
12.15.05 - 11:10 pm (CT)
Have you ever been fighting a losing cause and knew it, but just couldn't give up… yet? Your mind tells you it's over, but your heart tells you, "not yet, there's still a chance to turn this thing around, it ain't over till it's over", but then comes the day when your heart is broken and even it tells you to give it up so you can move on.

Well, that day has come and it's time to, as the theme song from the 1960's TV western, Rawhide, said, "Move 'em out", but unlike the song, there will be no true love waitin' at the end of this ride. Yep, get along little doggies…

Note: This was actually written on June 8, 2004 after yet another betrayal, but like it says, I "just couldn't give up… yet", so I held onto it until the final moment… just in case this thing did turn around, however that was not to be, as the final moment came today, December 15, 2005.
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