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August 5 - 31, 2006

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Previous passing thoughts of a Pageminder

More on spam from DONOTMAIL.COM
08.31.06 - 8:22 am (CT)
GRYPHONNETWORKS.COM owns the spamming DONOTMAIL.COM, which makes Gryphon Networks spammers also. I thought that maybe their rather well-known registrars and their not-so-known Web hosts would put a stop to their spamming me, but the wheels turn too slowly at the well-knowns for my patience level… for spam anyway. So, I went to the trouble of creating a new email address, deleting the old one that was getting spammed, and then replaced all online references to the old one with the new one.

That should have eliminated the spamming, but within 10 minutes of putting the new pages up, DONOTMAIL.COM (i.e. GRYPHONNETWORKS.COM) started spamming the new email address. Being totally ticked off, I took a few minutes to decide on what action I should take and came up with:

Thank you, have a nice day, and bon appétit to the spambots on the Net.
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Spam brought to your Inbox by DONOTMAIL.COM
08.29.06 - 2:02 am (CT)
I have been getting spammed with unsolicited (otherwise it wouldn't be spam) spamvertising from DONOTMAIL.COM. "DO NOT MAIL" is an interesting name for a company that spams you with advertising that you wish they did not mail… hmmm. The spammer, DONOTMAIL.COM, is owned by a telemarketing company, gryphonnetworks.com, that advertises itself as strictly adhering to the do not call lists… another hmmm.

Anyway, when I got tired of bouncing the enlargement, diet pills, and drug spamvertising from DONOTMAIL.COM right back to them, I ran a whois on them and their owner to find out for one who the owner was and next to find out who were their registrars and Web hosting companies. Then I notified all of them of the spamming being done by DONOTMAIL.COM and, by virtue of ownership, gryphonnetworks.com. There you go, there you have it, there you are… enough said.
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Getting beyond others to yourself
08.19.06 - 6:16 pm (CT)
There are those who can't get beyond themselves, there are those who work hard to get beyond themselves, and then there's the rest of us who have trouble even considering ourselves… what we want, what we need, what we would like to do. When you've spent pretty much your whole life doing for others, which really means doing mostly what those others wanted or needed you to do, it's hard to get back to yourself, to your wants and needs… that is what I am doing now.

For instance, I started doing Web stuff because the family business needed its website updated and redesigned — it was not my idea, but it was suggested that it was something I could do to help out, so I learned what I needed to know and went on from there. Then it was suggested that I could do sites for others and later it was suggested that I charge for what had really been an amusement of sorts. Finally it was suggested that I could certainly make enough to help support the family… really to pay for any so-called extras, like college expenses for our kids.

I say "so-called" because we had saved and invested for years just so when the time came we would have the money to pay for that and so many other things. However, someone became very possessive of those funds, so much so that they didn't want to use them when I could "so easily" make more than enough to foot the bill for that and other "extras". Whenever something came up, it was suggested that I get Pageminders to pay for it, which is partly what drained my little business dry — it would no sooner make a chunk of dough than it was expected to pick up the tab for the latest extra or even household bill.

As for where all of the money we had saved and invested went, well what was left of it — after he either blew it on two of the three "A's" and/or traded (really gambled) it away daytrading — was awarded to me so that I could pay off our massive debt. I suppose I could have kept it and sold the house instead, but I — that would be ME — didn't want to sell the house, so I used the cash instead. In case you're wondering, I ran all of the financial stuff by my accountant who advised me every step of the way on how best to come out of this with the most assets left intact and in MY name.
"…I have to ask myself if that is how I want to spend the rest of my life or is it just how Iím left to spend the rest of it."
Looking back, I'd have to say I was manipulated by the wants and needs of others into doing so many things, including my Web stuff. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy making a webpage do what I want it to, but I have to ask myself if that is how I want to spend the rest of my life or is it just how Iím left to spend the rest of it. In the past I have referred to it as "recreational coding" and I meant that, however at some point it lost its fun factor and became a job.

I know some of you are saying, "Welcome to the real world, Jeane", but in the real world most pick a field of endeavor and go from there, however, had I done that I would have remained a stay-at-home Mom who on occasion would have dabbled in whatever this' and that's that truly interested me. Who knows, maybe I would have turned my love for sewing into a little side business, or maybe I would have one day opened the little restaurant I've joked about for years. But no matter what I did, it would have been something I wanted to do.

As for what I want to do with the rest of my life, I do know that I want (and need) to write for more than just the obvious reasons. I also know that I want to combine that writing with what I know about the Web, which might just be websites for my books and other endeavors that I am still mulling over or maybe even a book or two about various aspects of the Web… I haven't set my plans in stone yet, but when I do, I will announce it at my first foray into writing, MindBlog.
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The birth of hope
08.15.06 - 9:13 pm (CT)
Hope isn't her name, but her birth just a few short weeks after my sister died not only filled my broken heart with joy, but also gave me newfound hope for the future. This little bundle of "sweet everythings" is my first grandchild who for MindBlog's purposes will forever be referred to here as Hope. When I am "playing" with Hope almost all of the last few years' sadness — the deaths of my mother, my sister, and my marriage — is temporarily wiped from my memory… yes, with Hope comes joy.
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Peggy, the "Dictionary Diva" is gone
08.13.06 - 4:59 pm (CT)
Peggy Frances Harper Jones, March 4, 1942 - February 10, 2006
Peggy F. Jones
"Dictionary Diva"
1942 - 2006

Peggy Frances Harper Jones, March 4, 1942 - February 10, 2006… I chose this picture of my sister Peg laughing in my kitchen on April 1, 2001 for numerous reasons, but mostly because this one shows Peg as she really was. She was a fun-loving, big-hearted person who would do just about anything for those she cared about and even some that she could have cared less about. Her death from ovarian cancer earlier this year was another case of "only the good die young" and at 63, she was young, too young…

Months later I am still devastated by the loss of my big sister who was not only my best friend, but also was like a second mother to me, as she helped my mom raise us little kids till she went off to college when I was seven. We have shared so much through the years, whether it was love, joys, worries, sadness, confidences, or life experiences, we shared them all. Heck, sometimes I think we had to remain best friends, because we knew too much about each other to be otherwise.

We were so much alike, sometimes it was downright spooky… not just in how our lives seemed to run on parallel paths separated only by our eleven years in age difference, but also right down to our kids liking to joke that we not only laughed alike, but we laughed at the same stupid stuff! We, of course, chose to believe that the unique sense of humor that we shared was on a higher plane than that of the rest of the world, which explained why when we were laughing our heads off, the rest of the world seemed to be silent. We were having a good time even if no one else was… our glasses were definitely half-full.

So, now I see two half-full glasses that I must combine to live, in years, a full life for the both of us, so in the end, when we're both sitting in Heaven looking back on our combined years here on earth, we'll just add the two together, divide it by two, and come up with two long overflowing lives. In her almost 64 years, Peg lived a very full life, packing in as much as God would allow for her as well as every life she touched with her love, joy, kindness, and wisdom. She is most definitely a hard act to follow — in fact, it may take me twice that long to accomplish what she did in half the time.

For Peg… "One door closed, another one opened, and she followed the light… into the garden of Heaven."
— Jeane Wade, 02.11.06

"Common Sense... Party of Two… there was a reason our party only had two people in it… common sense isnít very common."
As for my future, I am planning on writing a book about the two of us, Common Sense... Party of Two, which Peg was going to contribute to, however, now I will write the book on my own and, as fate would have it, dedicate it to her memory, which is as it should and was meant to be. Losing her hits my aspirations as a writer in other ways as well — she was also going to be my editor for that book as well as others that I plan on writing on a variety of subjects close to my heart and my life. While I can write the books on my own, I will still need an editor with not only a love for the written word, but also one who has the common sense to edit my words with love and wisdom. So, as for finding another editor for my books, that will take some doing, as there was a reason our party only had two people in it... common sense isnít very common.

Note: I have mentioned Peg many times here at MindBlog and I suppose I could let you traipse through and find all of the mentions, but I already Googled "Peg" and "Dictionary Diva" for you. You're welcome and have a nice day.
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Rebuilding my life and my business
08.10.06 - 8:55 pm (CT)
Interesting (to me anyway) that I should use the term "rebuilding" for the title to this day's entry, as I was married to an architect for 30 years and it was he who demolished my life and my business. Between the abuse, addiction, and adultery — it was a "AAA Divorce" — he not only left our marriage and lives in ruins, but also my business due to his slanderous remarks to business associates and his refusal to pay our bills and those he owed to my business. Basically he bled both my business and me dry.

So, now I am my own architect as I rebuild my life and my business and, quite frankly, I'm not sure which is the harder task. However, that is neither here nor there, because I have never been afraid of hard work and am determined to have a good life. On my way to that good life I am paying my bills by managing a local restaurant in my "spare time". It's been tough, but I am managing to maintain a comfortable lifestyle while getting back to my Web stuff AND to writing.

Yes, writing, but not about the Web, I am writing about my life and, if need be, will self-publish whatever works I come up with that I think will be of interest to others. More than a few have told me that my story would make a great movie of the week and someday that may very well happen. However, until then it is cathartic for me to write about what I have been through and I truly hope that I can help others (mostly women) to get out of abusive relationships way sooner than I did.

I am normally a very private person, but it will be worth baring that part of my life to the world if I can save one person from wasting even a day of their life thinking that it's their fault and if only they would do this or that everything would be better. In other words, to realize it's not them with the problem and that their only problem is to identify the abuse for what it is, then get out while they still have their dignity and, quite frankly, their sanity. I got out with both intact, but for a long time to come will be dealing with the repercussions of over two decades of being used, abused, and misused.

After over three years of counseling I can look back and see where and how the abuse crept into the relationship and slowly built to the boiling point. It was kind of like boiling a frog where it gets put into warm water and doesn't realize that the temperature is slowly rising until it is boiling and too late to jump out. Yes, it starts out with little things and builds into an all-out campaign to devalue you as a human being until you are no longer really you; you are just a shell of a person that succumbs to the abusers every whim… a zombie, if you will.

I have many people to thank for saving me from that abusive relationship, they all cared enough to speak up and then help me "out of the water before it got near boiling". Thank you to my family, friends, doctor, pastor, and counselor, as well as the judge who said before granting my divorce on my grounds of extreme mental cruelty that with his ruling he was freeing me. However, the One who sent those "guardian angels" to me is the One that I am most thankful for and to… thank you God for freeing me to be ME!
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Maintaining… my status is in quo
08.05.06 - 12:41 am (CT)
I've spent the last two months "maintaining"… so, what is that supposed to mean? Well, sometime since the beginning of the year I was at a job interview and the person interviewing me wanted to know why I was applying for a job when I had my own business. I explained to her that I had bills to pay and needed a regular paycheck that I could count on to make sure those bills got paid.

"…I am definitely maintaining… yes, my status is definitely in quo."
Her face lit up with understanding and she out-Readers-Digested me by saying that I was "maintaining", to which my face lit up at her succinct perception of my predicament. I didn't get the job, but I did get another one that has taken a good bit of my time, however it was time well spent, as I am definitely maintaining… yes, my status is definitely in quo.

As for my Web design business, well, Pageminders — albeit with a lot less time to devote to it — is (bless its heart… and mine, too) also "maintaining" itself through this transitional time in my life. "We" are both here as I head onward to my futurea future free of any kind of abuse and the fear that comes with it, a future where I am FREE to be who I really am. Thank you and have a nice day.
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